Have you ever had a moment where you drifted back into a time where you
were truly at peace ~ your mind, your heart, your soul, your spirit?
Have you ever had a moment where you drifted back into a time where you were truly at peace ~ your mind, your heart, your soul, your spirit? It’s been a very long time since I’ve felt that sense of peace in my life. I’m not quite there, but I am working on it. I’m on a new path, and I truly believe that its heading in the right direction. However, because I am traveling a new road, I am leaving myself open to detours, turns and surprises. In my quest to find my “place of peace”, I am studying, learning, healing and searching. I decided a little bit ago to do a 3-hour guided meditation to help me recognize my soul’s purpose. As I did the guided meditation, I had hoped that in THREE HOURS that there would be a trigger for “something” miraculous. Nope! Nothing happened, or so I thought at the time. The next day, I saw a post on Instagram that took me back to a place that I hadn’t thought of in quite a long time. I believe that three hours did trigger a spark after all. It just took a little coaxing for the flame to ignite.
There is a garden in every childhood, an enchanted place where colors are brighter, the air is softer, and the morning more fragrant than ever again. ~ Elizabeth Lawrence
My Magical Summer Place
I’ve always had an imagination. I have always had the creative art bug in my blood. I have always had a “feeling” that there is more than what can just be seen with the naked eye. I was an earth kid. Being in nature, whether it was rain or shine, was where I was happy. I didn’t like shoes ~ I have grown to believe in flip flops and boots, with an occasional in-between special pair of shoes. I still like being in the forest, at the ocean, in an open field, or in my imagination where there are places yet to be discovered. My soul needs to be where I feel like I can breathe, to touch the earth, and feel the breeze. It’s a need that has grown stronger again over the past few years. There was a time in my life where I chose not to recognize that need. There was a time where there were a lot of “things” buried.
On this new path of finding my way, I have been unearthing A LOT! I am connecting to my inner soul on many levels, but I still have this feeling that I am missing something. Maybe that missing isn’t a bad thing. Maybe that feeling of missing some part of your existence is what keeps us on a path of learning and a path of growth. I still don’t have that answer. The answer that I did finally get was a memory. After the “no sparks”meditation, when I saw the post relating to childhood, it clicked. ` That moment was like a flash from the past. It was in that moment where the spark became a flame. The memories that were triggered by that one post still have me journaling on that summer. I think those feelings will have me journaling for quite some time. It was a flash of feelings, of senses, of just pure peace. It’s a sense of peace that I am working to find now.
No memories have surfaced of any worries or cares at all from that year of my life. The flashback took me to the summer before my eleventh birthday. I remember that summer and so much of what I did. There were no vacations, no big events, no major life changes. If there were, I don’t remember them. I do remember getting up on those summer mornings and spending the days outside, from sun-up to sun-down. I remember playing in the woods, in the field behind our house, in the creek and in my “special cave”. The “cave” was on the field behind our house. There was a construction site next to the field, and I think they had dug out an area for some utility work. I was a skinny little kid and could easily fit into some tight spaces. I remember it being large enough that I could stand up in it and move around easily. It was next to the creek, under a tree that leaned over to create a shady spot, almost a shelter. I got my Dad to help me build a little bridge across the creek to make it an easy transport or all my stuff. I remember it being “my” space. My Magical little hideaway to create, collect, draw, read... to just be.
Memories have flooded back over the past week of that little “cave”. I remember digging out the side to create a little bench to sit on. I also dug out the wall to create a niche. Then I borrowed some wood from my Dad’s workshop and created shelves in the little alcove to hold my “stuff”. With all the clay that I dug out for the bench and the shelves, I remember making clay pots, plates and animal sculptures. I distinctly remembering putting them on the manhole cover to dry out in the heat and then I would paint them. North Carolina summer heat being drawn to a metal manhole cover was a great make-do kiln. My memories have also taken me back to roaming in the woods, the field and in the creek collecting nature's treasures. I remember my Mom being appalled at me digging in the creek for muskrats, and me being disappointed because I never caught one. What I think I have taken away from these vivid memories is the feeling of connection and peace. That feeling that I so long to find again.
In the past three years, both of my parents have passed away. My Dad just six months ago. I am an only child, and the responsibility of cleaning out their home has been my task. After my Mom passed away, I lived with my Dad and cared for him through his Hospice care. I am grateful that I had that time with him. However, it took an intense toll on me mentally and physically. Cleaning has been a slow process and healing. On one of my last cleaning tasks, I came across a box marked “Debbie’s Stuff”. There were old shoe boxes with years written on them. I don’t remember saving the stuff but thankfully it was saved. There was a box with the number 10 written on the top. That was the shoe box of my magical summer. It was filled with broken clay “stuff”, an angel, a skeleton key, some notes tied with string, a tye-dye painted Budwiser bottle, rocks, candles, feathers, an incense burner, a dream catcher and a few other odds and ends. I look at that “collection” from that summer and then I look at my current collection; not a lot has changed. I have a lot of incense, crystals more than rocks, still skeleton keys, feathers and stuff from nature. Maybe, I am finding me after all. Its just taken 40 years.
As I look at these collections connecting the ten-year old me to the 40 year later me, I see where this journey is taking me back to my need to be connected to the earth. I want to dig down deep into the soil and plant and grow and connect. Connect to that inner core desire to be a part of nature. Waking up peacefully and wanting to get dressed and head outside for the day. Shoes were not required. A peanut butter and jelly sandwich was a great pack for lunch. No cell phones, no computers, no TVs, no noise to disrupt the thought patterns of the day. I have a song that has become quite special in my quest for peace. The video is in my first blog at the bottom of the post. The song was written and recorded by St. Finnekan. The song is “Magic”. One of the lines in the song speaks of the noise of all the chaos in our lives. That ten-year old summer, I had no one calling to check on me every little bit. No text messages or emails to interfere in my thoughts or my creations. I had peace. I had the freedom to roam, to create, to imagine, to build. I had no chaos. I also had no expectations of what I should be doing or who I should be ~ no one other than me. Each day I was able to build upon each moment, to be happy.
As I look back on that summer, I think something happened. I don’t know what, and maybe I never will. I do remember that being my last summer of pure freedom. No expectations of getting ready for the next school year, required summer reading lists, social expectations or what I "should" be. In my mind, I’ve titled it my "Mother Earth ~ Summer of Magic". I’ve played back that summer over the past several days, almost like watching a movie reel. I long to feel that sense of peace. I long to live a life out of the chaos and social expectations. I want to reconnect with nature and ground my soul in the soil. My need to plant, to grow, to harvest from the earth is so strong. My desire to connect my spirit with the wind, the water, the air, and the fire grows so rapidly that its hard to control. My desire to protect parts of the earth that I can from becoming just another tract of houses, or industry or some strip mall are great. The desire to record the history of my ancestors that were so much a part of nature is deep rooted. I also want to share this sense of peace that I am finding again with other people. People that believe in saving our earth, in our ancestors, in history, in being a part of a bigger plan. I am solitary on many levels. I need that solitude to grow and create. However, I do not wish to seclude myself from the world. I want to grow in my abilities to share the beauties of this earth with others. I wish to help other beings find a place of peace ~ away from the chaos, away from expectations, away from the noise. Believe in the Magic and Mother Earth.